


can you hold me, hug me tightly | this is the start of our story

by inmylife



Category: IZONE, Produce 101 (TV), Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: F/F, kwon eunbi has a big fat crush, overuse and overcharacterization of trainees who were eliminated in episode 5 and im not sorry, rumor team's ot3 are a squad, the season one au no one asked for, this isn't as shippy as it's supposed to be but eunbi's big fat crush is still there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 11:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15840006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmylife/pseuds/inmylife
Summary: the eunbi-and-sian-on-season-one au that no one asked for but i delivered anyway.





	can you hold me, hug me tightly | this is the start of our story

**Author's Note:**

> eunbi has freshly left kiroy co and ye-a and just joined woollim in this fic. sian is still an independent trainee.   
> to make place for eunbi (and her labelmate) and sian, i have removed ma eunjin, kim hayoon, and im hyoseon from the 101 trainees - they all left the show before the first ranking announcement. (hence, both AH! teams as well as la cha ta team 2 will have five trainees instead of four.)  
> eunbi's labelmate, soyoon, is a real woollim trainee who released a single with golden child's joochan as part of w project. fromis9's baek jiheon will be referenced because she's ex-woollim.  
> written entirely for [Elnegolas](https://twitter.com/Elnegolas) on twitter because she was suffering a BiAn drought.   
> titles are from pick me and naekkoya.

When the company van drives Kwon Eunbi into the English Village in Paju on a cold day in December, Eunbi is not expecting much. She knows Soyoon has dreams of glitz, glory, and the top eleven, but for Eunbi, who's already debuted and failed, Produce 101 is just one more long shot. One more way to pass the time until Woollim debuts her or until she ages out. (The second option's seeming a lot more likely.)

Soyoon's excitement (or nerves? or both) is tangible. The younger girl is vibrating in the car seat. Eunbi can hear the plastic unstick from Soyoon's thighs as she bounces up and down. Their dresses really aren't that short, so Eunbi's a little confused - until she looks over and sees Soyoon sitting criss cross applesauce on the seat with her skirt tucked into the space between her legs. Eunbi sighs a little. Soyoon has to realize that in less than an hour, there will be cameras trained on them every second, and she needs to act like a lady. 

Upon arrival, staff members take their luggage and shuffle it away into a side room, take their phones, and then send Eunbi and Soyoon off to a tiny, tiny waiting room. On one side, Eunbi can hear a large number of girls talking and being loud. On the other, a bored trainee who's probably there by herself kicks the wall at random intervals and practices her song. She has a nice, throaty voice and is singing in English. Soyoon, a vocalist before anything else, stiffens when their neighbor hits a particularly tough note. 

The staff comes and gets them before too long. They're ushered into a long, mirrored hallway and pick up their nametags, Eunbi straightening Soyoon's a little bit. Then they walk in. 

The room is absolutely terrifying. 

It's huge, tall-ceilinged, and full of pretty people. People much prettier than Eunbi - and Eunbi doesn't consider herself all that bad, either. Girls with faces smaller than a lollipop, girls with sharp eyeliner and big doe eyes, full lips, and cheekbones that could slice through Busan cream bread. 

And then, above all that, and above the curious whispers from the forty or so girls already in the room, there's the throne at the top, occupied by someone Eunbi recognizes.  _What in the name of... is that Heo Chanmi?_  

But that's a problem for later. Right now, Eunbi and Soyoon need to find a place to sit. Soyoon picks a spot in the low sixties for them. Eunbi has the girl from LOEN on her other side, Soyeon, who's rapping quietly. On Soyoon's end she's next to three girls from a company Eunbi's never heard of. 

She recognizes a few of the girls in here - Dani and Chanmi, of course, and the other MBK girls, Somi, and she's shocked to notice those two girls from Superstar K too. But there are a few she remembers from her own failed debut experience; they'd been in groups like hers. Kangyoon and Yeji, Insun, Boseon - even one of those angry looking girls, the one with the short blonde hair, seems sort of familiar to her. It hurts her heart a bit. 

About thirty trainees later, Soyoon starts smacking her arm. "You need to start paying attention," she says, like she's the older one. "This is a competition!" She spreads her arms wide and almost smacks the pretty SS trainee in the face. 

"Soyoon, if it makes you stop injuring the other contestants, I'll pay more attention." 

Six girls come in just then. They don't have a company to flash onscreen - just the words  _individual trainees._

"개인 연습생," mouths Soyoon. 

"Trainees without a company," Eunbi affirms. 

One of them has a huge smile on her face. One of them looks wary. One seems just nervous. One of them appears very old while a fifth has a baby face. And the sixth girl, the last to file in... 

 _Damn,_ thinks Eunbi,  _she's beautiful._

She steals a glance at the girl's name tag and commits the name Lee Sian to memory.

Jang Keunsuk is not as beautiful as he looks on TV, is Eunbi's opinion, but Kahi's stunning and Cheetah draws her eye as well. They bow to the national producers, and then the mentors sit back and the show really, truly begins. 

They perform Goodnight Like Yesterday and it goes fine. They ask Eunbi to dance to Be Mine and it goes fine. Eunbi gets a C and Soyoon D. A C. Eunbi can work with this. 

The pretty individual trainee gets an F. A number of the pretty faces do. 

Soon enough they're moved into their dorms and Soyoon is dramatically wrapping her arms around Eunbi's neck as the older girl tries to shake her off. "It's not like you'll never see me again, Soyoon..." she sighs. 

Eunbi likes her roommates. They are: Haein, the leader of the SS trainees, otherwise known as the group whose maknae Soyoon accidentally assaulted; Juna, the husky-voiced girl who'd been in the waiting room next to them; and Haelim, an innocent-looking but hilarious trainee from Fantagio. Juna and Haelim are easygoing and counter Eunbi and Haein's attitudes of all-business, and they're all three easy to talk to. 

Soyoon is apparently having the time of her live in D as well. She's roommates with the youngest trainee, one of the individual girls, and according to reports from Haelim's labelmate has taken to smushing the little girl's cheeks all the time. For the most part they stick with their groupmates. 

Which is why it comes as a surprise to Eunbi when, one re-evaluation, one B grade, and one M Countdown filming later, Soyoon comes dashing up to her whining "unnie! You abandoned me!" 

Eunbi blinks, and gives Yeseul and Hyungeun - her usual tablemates after the regroupings - a shrug. "I'm... sorry?" 

"You should be," Soyoon grumps, "I'm being a fantastic wingwoman and you've been ignoring me to sit with people from Pledis." Eunbi doesn't think she's particularly close to neither Minkyung nor Eunwoo, but she follows Soyoon despite her confusion. "I sit with the individual trainees. Juna unnie has been telling them all about you. She says you're funny." Soyoon regards her. "Unnie, since when were you funny?" 

Eunbi rolls her eyes. When they arrive at the table, she's steered to a spot between Siwon and Sian. 

So that's how Soyoon is being a fantastic wingwoman. Well, props to her. 

Over the next few days, they do lots of things. They film individual promotion videos, do a hidden box challenge, go get flu shots, and they also choose the best visuals of the competition. Eunbi picks Sian. She later finds out Sian ranked tenth out of all of them. 

Eunbi becomes good friends with not just Juna and Yeseul but also with Sihyeon, another individual trainee, and Sian herself. Eunbi, Sihyeon, and Sian stay up long after the staff has threatened to check on their rooms for lights out, in Eunbi's B class dorm because it's the biggest, and sleep on each other's stomachs and tell secrets, and Eunbi tells them what backstage at MuBank really looks like, and they make a pact to never dye their hair until all three of them debut, and swear to all go to Gangneung once the show's over and have coffee. 

And then they have group battles, and everything falls apart. 

"You're not a rapper?" Soomin says, flabbergasted, her eyes having gone wide. "What - Eunbi unnie - but -"

"I did a R&B song for company evaluations," Eunbi deadpans. "Where, how in the  _world_ , Lee Soomin -" 

"But I thought you were a rapper!" Soomin yowls. "I'm a vocal, you're a vocal, Yeonkyung unnie's a vocal, Sihyun and Shiori are dancers, what in the hell are we supposed to do?" 

"They're not going to let you air that," pronounces Kim Sihyun, who is a different Kim Sihyun than the independent trainee who's Eunbi's friend. Kim Sihyeon, the independent trainee who's Eunbi's friend, is on the other Fire team, along with Juna, two very good dancers, and the blonde rapper from Kconic. To put it short and sweet, Eunbi's team is screwed. They're strong on vocals, sure, and they have Eunbi and Shiori who are both dancers, but they don't. Have. A rapper. 

Soomin and Sihyun argue for ten straight minutes as Shiori watches in confusion (mostly because she's Japanese and probably can't understand the Masan satoori that Sihyun is currently unleashing) and Yeonkyung and Eunbi try to ignore them and practice, before Eunbi, as elected leader, finally yanks Soomin by the arm and half-shouts, "EVERYBODY GO TAKE A BREAK!"

"Rest your voice, unnie," mumbles Yeonkyung, before escaping to the safety of the bathroom. Sihyun follows, fuming. Eunbi sighs and leaves Soomin to blow off steam by herself, going in search of the other teams. 

She wanders around for a little while - making faces at Haelim while I Don't Know is practicing, waving to Yeseul and Sira as they rehearse their vocals for Push Push, smiling at Soyoon as the younger girl prepares to battle Kim Nayoung's team of misfits in the Break It practice room. 

Then she lets her feet take her to where AH! team two are practicing. Sian and Seokyoung are both in that team... as well as walking disaster Ariyoshi Risa. 

"How's things?" she asks, as Seokyoung shrieks and wraps her in an excited hug. 

"I'm teaching Risa unnie!" she exclaims. 

"I'm complaining about how the other team has three vocals all better than Hyehyun unnie," Sian deadpans. Hyehyun smacks her. "But really. Saem unnie, Im Nayoung unnie,  _and_ Jayeon unnie? How are we supposed to beat that."

"It means Siwon unnie will win her battle," Seokyoung calls over her shoulder. "A victory for one independent trainee is a victory for all." 

"Can I see it?" Eunbi asks. 

Seokyoung is center, and for good reason, but all Eunbi's eyes can really focus on is Sian. Sian isn't the most talented trainee in the competition, or even in the room, by far, but she fits the song so well that Eunbi gets chills all over. Some in places she had no idea she could have chills before. 

A week later, Soomin has learned how to rap, Eunbi and Shiori have had a dance-off with Park Gaeul, and Lee Sian has left Eunbi breathless with her performance. 

"You did so well," Eunbi fusses, settling Sian's high ponytail back in place. " _Aigoo_ , I feel like a proud mother. Seokyoungie taught you well."

"I wanted to do well for you, unnie," Sian smiles winningly. Then Haein comes along and smacks Sian in the back of the head and Sian's angelic image is broken as she rushes to chase after the older girl. 

She wanted to do well for Eunbi. 

Eunbi may scream. 

They gather to watch all the episodes that have been released so far one day and Eunbi is delighted to find that she's had screentime. A little for her dance to Be Mine at the auditions, a little of her reprimanding Soyoon for complaining about the diet, a little of her promoting Lee Sian as Produce 101's visual center. Mostly she gets some good shots of her dance-off with Shiori and Gaeul and a few of her taking charge of the rap debacle as well. Soomin rapping was Eunbi's idea, and she's not bad. Somehow it's edited to make Eunbi look like she knows what she's doing. Seokyoung and Sian have gotten a bit as well, Haein and Juna have had plenty, and Soyoon's gotten none at all. 

Nine days later, Eunbi's name is called up at twenty-fifth. Sian's is called at thirty-seventh. Soyoon's is not called at all. 

Eunbi feels roundly terrible for worrying more about Sian than for her Soyoon, and it shows in the way she cries when she fusses over her labelmate. 

"Don't worry about me," Soyoon smiles easily. "I'm going to go back and eat  _jjampong_ with my baby."

"Jiheon's not your baby," Eunbi sighs through her tears. Soyoon will never not be exasperating, and Eunbi loves her. 

"You're just afraid that makes you Woollim's grandma." 

Now is not goodbye. Now, they both go back to Woollim. It's just that Soyoon isn't coming when Eunbi will go to the filming site again. 

Sian and Sihyeon both survive. On their way out, Sihyeon gets both their phone numbers and makes a group chat. They spam it, all three, Eunbi with selfies with Sungyoon and Daeyeol and a candid snap of Sungjong when he'd come to discuss something with the PD, Sihyeon of dance covers, Sian of pictures of herself side by side with Chaeyeon. 

As much as netizens and their fellow trainees may claim that Chaeyeon is more radiant, even side by side Eunbi swears up and down that Sian's prettier. 

The next week they go back to Paju and the dorms. Eunbi feels a little lonely in the van by herself, so she blasts Bad and her own debut song from two years ago and lets the staff driver roll his eyes. But when she gets out she's rushed by Sihyeon and Sian, and they squeal and wrap each other in a three way hug. 

On their way into the lineup for the next big group meeting, Sian smiles at Eunbi, and only Eunbi. It's tender, and Eunbi reaches over to take her hand. But then Eunbi is shoved forward by an irate Yaebin and their fingers only get to brush. It's tantalizing. 

Sohee, Nayoung, Yeseul, and herself walk into the room, in a neat line with everyone else. Jang Representative walks in and announces that the next battle will be a position battle. 

"What are you guys going for," whispers Sohee down the line. 

"Vocal," says Yeseul, as though this wasn't obvious. 

"I'm thinking dance," Eunbi adds, and Nayoung concurs. 

"Yeseul," hisses Sohee, "Want to do a song with me?" 

"Superstar K Alliance," cracks Yeseul, before a staff member gestures wildly for them to shut up. 

Bang Bang fills up first, but Eunbi was expecting that, and hadn't much wanted to do that song anyway. No, she wanted Growl. Eunbi was best at boy group dances. She chooses the song five slots after Park Soyeon does, and together they wait. 

It's just that no one joins the team. Sihyeon abandons her for Nayoung's team, which is shaping up nicely. Sian considers them for a moment before shaking her head and choosing vocal instead, which shocks Eunbi to the core. Monster, as a song, does suit Sian, but Sian is also a dancer, and there's space left on Eunbi's team for her. 

Thankfully, despite the low ranks of two-thirds of the team, they're all good dancers and good choreographers. Haeyoung, Gaeul, Minjung, Jungmin, and Hayi all suit the song, too, and Haeyoung grins when she hears the stylist unnies are already planning to put them in suits and ties. Eunbi feels confident that this performance will pull the girls who aren't herself and Soyeon into the higher ranks. The trainers seem to agree - even Bae Yoonjung, to Eunbi's shock. The atmosphere is light, spirits are high, and anticipation is everywhere to be found. 

"I'm going to scream." Haein plunks her tray on the table with anxious fervor, startling Sihyeon, who glares. "Really. I will." 

"Why, Haein," says Juna dryly. "Enlighten us." 

"Kim Taeha and Park Siyeon are going head to head over who gets to be main vocal," Haein complains. "After three days."

Juna grimaces. "Must be a Starship thing. Yoo Yeonjung is the same. She's been so bitter I outvoted her she's refusing to participate and just pouts with Risa unnie the entire practice." 

"Have we all been having bad days?" asks Sihyeon. 

"No," mutters Eunbi. 

"I'm happy for you. But. Im Nayoung - hey, Sian, you have a couple Pledis girls in your group, right? Are they all control freaks?"

Sian blinks. "I - no..." 

Sihyeon raises an eyebrow. 

"Minkyung unnie knows what she's doing! She and Kyungwon unnie are the only ones who know how to arrange! Chanmi unnie said she didn't want to." 

Sihyeon huffs. This clearly wasn't the answer she was looking for. "Well, Nayoung unnie really only gives herself and Mina time in the center. Siwon unnie gets a little bit, but me and Yunseo get hardly any."

"Isn't Kang Mina the performance center, though?" reasons Juna. "So it makes sense she gets a lot of time."

"But Nayoung unnie -"

"Listen, Sihyeon," Haein cuts in, "if you want more center time, you can choreograph the dance yourself. From what Siwon's telling me, Nayoung's been doing most of it herself." 

Sihyeon scowls. 

"Sian, why don't you tell us about your performance," Eunbi cuts in. "I heard working with Chanmi unnie is...  _interesting_." 

Sian definitely agrees. Eunbi can't bring herself to listen properly, just interjects an  _mmhmm_ at strategic moments. Sian's mouth is so fascinating when she talks. Eunbi feels her own mouth lift into a smile.

Eunbi gets fourth in her team, after Soyeon, Haeyoung, and Gaeul, and this is fine with her. They're all good dancers, and Haeyoung and Gaeul deserve the boosts to their ranks. (Even though Haeyoung whines about how much Eunbi did for the team, in front of the cameras. Eunbi grimaces. This will give her the screentime that her teammates need.)

Sian's team is after Eunbi's. Eunbi loves to watch her; there's a yearning in Sian's gestures that fits the song perfectly. She isn't the main vocal by far, having only a few lines, but Eunbi thinks every note from Sian's mouth is just as good as Minkyung's or Suhyun's. 

Sian got second-last in her group, she tells Eunbi later, and Eunbi voices a tiny sigh. "Oh, Sian," she murmurs, and draws the younger girl into a hug. "You were the best one up there. I could only watch you." 

Some days later, they pick songs for concepts. Eunbi likes Fingertips immediately. "What are you guys going for," she asks Somi and Chaeyeon on either side of her.

"Yum-yum," says Somi. Chaeyeon nods. 

Mina, bless her, turns out to be terrible at rock paper scissors, so by the time it's Eunbi's turn to choose her song the Fingertips practice room already has more than fourteen. Soyeon and Hyungeun leave without complaint, thankfully - Eunbi couldn't take the stress of Nayoung having to legitimately pick someone to force out. 

The days after pass in a blur of part distribution and learning choreography. Eunbi doesn't get to see Sian much, but takes the time to catch up with Yeseul and to get to know Nayoung more. She eats and sleeps and practices and sleeps and then practices again. She does this until the second eliminations. 

Eunbi is thirty-fourth place. Thank god. She's through. She's dropped, but she's through. 

They do not call Sian's name. They call Lee Soomin's instead, and Eunbi's heart drops straight through her stomach. 

"Sian! Sian, Siannie, Sian..." Eunbi's voice trails off as she chokes up and gathers Sian into her arms. 

"Unnie," croaks Sian. "Unnie, you have to debut, okay? You have to debut for me..." 

"Sian-ah, unnie is sorry," gasps Eunbi over her. "Unnie is so sorry..." 

"Why, unnie, why, don't be sorry," Sian chokes, as Eunbi starts rocking her. "Why are you sorry, Eunbi unnie..." 

Seokyoung and Hyemin drag Sian away for one last individual trainee hug. Soyeon taps Eunbi's elbow and pulls her over to say goodbye to the rest of their Growl team. Gaeul swears up and down she'll meet them all at a music show one day, face dry, and Haeyoung swings an arm around her shoulder and promises to meet her there. Eunbi gives little Minjung a kiss on the top of her head and then walks her back to Siwon and Hyemin. 

"Hug me, idiots," cries Sihyeon, yanking Eunbi and Sian into a hug. 

Eunbi walks them out. 

"I'll come back," Sihyeon says fiercely. "I'll come back and perform on that stage again and show Mnet just how much they screwed up. I'll sign to a company and I... I..." 

"Just promise you'll make time for me," Sian smiles softly. 

"Always," whispers Eunbi. "Lee Sian, I'll always -"

Sian turns around to look at her, and the words stick in Eunbi's throat. 

Eunbi is moved to Don't Matter. Eunbi's team gets fourth place. Eunbi learns a new dance and new teammates and performs with Haein. And Eunbi ranks twenty-ninth in the tenth episode and goes back to the company. 

_I broke my promise to Sian. She made me promise I'll debut._

Eunbi calls Sian a few days later. 

"Unnie! Oh, Eunbi unnie, why are you calling?" 

Eunbi can't bear to tell Sian that she was eliminated, not yet, so she says, "because I missed you, Lee Sian. Yah, why else?" 

Sian giggles, and Eunbi knows it is all going to be okay. 

 

(The next week, they gather again. As they line up to walk in, Sian tugs on Eunbi's hand. 

"Unnie," she singsongs. "I have a secret for you."

"Oh?" asks Eunbi. 

"I..." leads up Sian, drumrolling on her thighs. "passed a Woollim audition!"

"Oh my god!" Eunbi screams, grabbing Sian by the shoulders and jumping up and down. "You - Lee Sian - oh my god, I'm so happy, I could just kiss you!" 

Sian's smile turns from excited to mischievous, and she says, "so why don't you?" 

Eunbi does. Lips land on lips, taking only a short break until a staff member shouts in their faces that it's time to go onstage. Then, they hold hands.)

**Author's Note:**

> the tea is that when i mentioned "kim nayoung's team" my brain provided me an image of the banana culture trainee instead of the jellyfish one. i was very confused for a hot second there.   
> i do sihyeon a bit dirty here but my writing of her and the way the trainees handle the situation is reflective of how i felt about her at the time. sihyeon on produce 48 is more mature and takes more initiative. i also used the season one spelling of her name to differentiate her tag from the season 2 trainee.   
> i'd wanted to put sian in full moon but with the rank i'd given her the math doesn't work and it would involve screwing up the real teams more than i already was (kicking sua out of growl and into a rap team). the way this works out also puts ng sze kai in the final. i did this by accident but she was my fixed pick so YAY.   
> find me on twitter at missyehana or tumblr at hondahiichan


End file.
